Category Archives: Relationships

Every Loss is a Wake- Up Call

Every loss is a wake up call to the potential we possess to make a difference in the lives of those around us.

For those of you, who like me, lost precious friends this year, here is something to ponder. It was sobering for me 3adjto admit that even if I had the power to bring them back, I would not because of the joy and wonder of heaven they would be denied due to such selfishness.

Having admitted this, my focus shifted to speculations regarding the interaction between all those I love and value that have gone before me. It made me smile to think of them meeting and swapping notes and sharing stories in heaven much as those of us left behind do. A major difference, however, being their story is written and they have set a bar for us. We have a race to run ever mindful of their example.

I thought about the nature of their legacies. Some have left me cautionary tales, others models of inspiration, recollections of warmth, images of loving expressions, words of encouragement and insight, and most important– an abiding sense that we brought something meaningful and worthwhile into each others life.

Yes, every loss is a wake up call to the potential we all possess to make a difference in the lives of those around us. We can no longer impact those who have gone before us, but we can take what we learned in our times together and use that wisdom to produce high yield investments with eternal value.

Photo by Ken Hughes

Joe Axtell, an Example of a Life Well Spent With Ongoing Returns

A very good and decent man died recently. Just one look at the response to his unexpected death was a sermon in itself. A good friend had hit the floor running in the middle of the night to be at his side. The home was immediately overflowing with people who wanted to be there for the inconsolable wife and heartbroken sons and daughters. Calling hours saw long lines and broken schedules. There was no facility in the community large enough to hold all who wished to attend the funeral. Overflow rooms at the church had to be created because that was the best they could do. It was something to behold.

Even more interesting is that the man at the center of all this was not some powerful dignitary, influential business man, or famous entertainer as one might assume. The man at the center of all this was a small town pastor named Joe Axtell. Joe had been a farm boy who came to the Lord at 15, went to a Christian college, married, and supported his family as a stone cutter. Nothing terribly remarkable in all that. What was amazing was the consistency with which Joe invested his life and how God blessed it.

Joe was passionate about bringing his life changing faith in Jesus Christ together with the people in his world. It was obvious in how he chose to invest his life and the kind of return he pursued. Joe invested with his smile, his laughter, his work, his hunting and fishing, his preaching and teaching, his counseling, his sense of humor, and his friendship. Joe was not a perfect man, but one who estab11021412_10152329962322325_3930044982391770320_olished an enormous warehouse of good will with people. So much good will existed, in fact, that forgiveness was not so difficult when he did stumble.

Joe made a difference with the decisions he made and the way he chose to relate to people. There is now a congregation of men and women equipped to do God’s work where there had once been none. There is an intact family where each member knows what it is to be loved and valued. There is a wife who knows she is loved more now after 33 years than the day they met. These are precious and increasingly rare lifetime achievements. None of this happens by accident.

The kind of life Joe led was intentional, the result of choosing to put God and others first. In doing so, he cultivated a life time filled with a positive outlook and memorable encounters with others that reflected what truly mattered to him, being used by God to change lives and bring joy to others.

Joe’s example of a well spent life has stuck with me more than any sermon I heard from him. It has made me think long and hard about the return I may or may not be getting on how I am investing my life. Have I been a good steward of the opportunities God has put before me? Am I faithful, available, and teachable? What kind of choices am I making? These are sobering questions. A well spent life is no accident and Joe’s passing was no doubt part of a much bigger plan.

God is an agent of change. It is something Joe firmly believed. Furthermore, he sensed change was coming and regardless of what it was, he preached that he trusted the Lord was doing it for good.

God’s choice to take Joe home was a game changer. It will no doubt trigger a series of choices amidst everyone impacted by his death. Some will be called to step up to things they had hoped to avoid or never dreamed of doing. Others will have to do what they have long been called to do, but do it that much more diligently. For a few it will be about stepping aside to make room for other, possibly painful, changes God has in store. Pruning and refining is unavoidable. None of this is easy. None of it will go ignored by the enemy. All of this will be about more change and more choices as God finishes what he has started for the sake of accomplishing some well hidden good.

I have no doubt that recalling the image of Joe’s big smile and good natured ways will keep many motivated and encouraged during the hardest times. It is one way we know that God isn’t done using Joe even yet. Some might say Joe has residual returns coming on his life well spent.

What Love Is and Is Not

What Love Is and Is Not

People often confuse love with no limits,
so let me clarify.

Being patient does not mean I am inviting continued attack.
It means I am creating opportunity for improvement.

Being kind does not mean I am a fool.
It means I am trying to motivate someone to do a little better.

Going the second mile does not mean I have nothing else to do.
It means I care enough to come alongside
a bit longer to create time for healing.

Biting my tongue does not mean I have no cause to speak.
It means I am waiting for someone to be able to hear.

Putting someone else’s interests before my own
does not mean I believe I don’t matter.
It means I have chosen to invest the margin in my life
with someone with little or none.

Any behavior, however, ceases to be loving,
when it ceases to move us toward being more like Christ.

When mercy feeds the monster in another’s soul,
justice must be allowed to do its work.004

Proof texting 3: Touch Not the Anointed

This is an excellent article that addresses a commonly misunderstood Biblical passage whose misapplication can have disastrous implications.

The Question of Authority and Anointing by Lois E. Gibson

https://gatheringinsight.wordpress.com/2015/05/14/the-question-of-authority-and-anointing/

Linked with the author’s permission.

Jan-victors-samuel-annointing-david

Proof texting: A Dangerous Form of Myopia

Submit

 

To the detriment of the Christian faith, the Bible has long been used to keep battered wives in silent submission, abused children cowering in compliance, and even some pro-lifers off the sidewalks. Did you know, according to some, the Bible permits abortion, child abuse, and wife-beating ? Scripture is used to convince people to cooperate with evil– all in the name of obedience to God.

three-blind-mice-277705

Many years ago, I helped to set up a church library. Lots of donations were made to the effort and while sorting the contributions, I came across a book about a wife’s responsibility to obey her husband. While I am a very ardent supporter of those things with which I agree,  I also am not wired for blind obedience to anyone or anything I believe is seriously misguided or worse– just plain wrong.

I possess a choleric–melancholy temperament — a complex combination defiance and compliance, task and relational orientation, introvert and extrovert–which made me very curious about the advice the author might give about navigating disagreements with an “authority.” (http://fourtemperaments.com/Description2.htm )

I could not have been more shocked or outraged. Complete obedience was expected, because, according to the author, the husband’s authority was God-given and complete. If he should ask his wife to have an abortion –even if it went against her conviction that it was murder—she should submit. God would absolve her of any guilt as the decision and responsibility fell to him! Her duty was to be a good soldier and do as she was told.The basis for such a claim was the following passage from the Book of Ephesians.

Eph5:22 Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Savior. 24Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands.

How could you possibly, as a good Christian, argue with this? It does say to be subject “in everything.” If you cannot argue with such a perspective, you are in danger.

More, much more to come…..

 

Every Loss is a Wake- Up Call

Every loss is a wake up call to the potential we possess to make a difference in the lives of those around us.

For those of you, who like me, lost precious friends this year, here is something to ponder. It was sobering for me 3adjto admit that even if I had the power to bring them back, I would not because of the joy and wonder of heaven they would be denied due to such selfishness.

Having admitted this, my focus shifted to speculations regarding the interaction between all those I love and value that have gone before me. It made me smile to think of them meeting and swapping notes and sharing stories in heaven much as those of us left behind do. A major difference, however, being their story is written and they have set a bar for us. We have a race to run ever mindful of their example.

I thought about the nature of their legacies. Some have left me cautionary tales, others models of inspiration, recollections of warmth, images of loving expressions, words of encouragement and insight, and most important– an abiding sense that we brought something meaningful and worthwhile into each others life.

Yes, every loss is a wake up call to the potential we all possess to make a difference in the lives of those around us. We can no longer impact those who have gone before us, but we can take what we learned in our times together and use that wisdom to produce high yield investments with eternal value.

Photo by Ken Hughes

Sexual Abuse & the Duggar Model

Those who outed the Duggar family sexual abuse history overplayed their hand. Far from disgracing the family, this crisis showcased both the understandable weaknesses and genuine wisdom of this very real family. More homes across this country are dealing with sexual abuse and incest than most want to admit. Refusal to openly address how to manage such a crisis perpetuates the pain, shame, and occurrence of this common crime against children.

Studies by David Finkelhor, Director of the Crimes Against Children Research Center, show that:
• 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse;
• Self-report studies show that 20% of adult females and 5-10% of adult males recall a childhood sexual assault or sexual abuse incident;
• During a one-year period in the U.S., 16% of youth ages 14 to 17 had been sexually victimized;
• Over the course of their lifetime, 28% of U.S. youth ages 14 to 17 had been sexually victimized;
• Children are most vulnerable to CSA between the ages of 7 and 13.
According to a 2003 National Institute of Justice report, 3 out of 4 adolescents who have been sexually assaulted were victimized by someone they knew well (page 5).

The Duggars experienced the shock, horror, and confusion of discovering that both predator and victims were people they loved. The torment of such a revelation is not something most can imagine if they have not been faced with such a situation. Rage at the offense resides beside the devastation of learning that another that Duggar parentsthey love deeply has committed an unspeakable act. Where does one begin to help all involved? Do you know of a well-recognized manual or handbook on walking your family such a crisis? Do you have any idea how difficult it is to think clearly when delivered such a shock?

I am grateful that the Duggars were honest about their journey through this nightmare. We can witness that the parents were obviously victims too as the discovery of this violation under their roof obvious caught them unaware and rocked their world. Rightfully so–I know of no classes that instruct prospective parents in how to manage incest.This brave disclosure by the Duggars will no doubt help others not to make the same understandable missteps and delays.

As for the two daughters that were publicly interviewed by Fox news, I was truly amazed. They are a testimony to what the parents have done right. Both daughters were articulate and honest. Neither condoned what their brother had done. They clearly made a case for forgiveness that did not require automatic trust. Boundaries were clearly established. Room was created for healing. Love thrived while justice was allowed to do its work. The offender owned his actions and got help. Relationships were saDuggar Daughtersved. This is a remarkable story of confronting and overcoming one of life’s most heartrending ordeals. There was no reason for the Duggars to hide in shame for the rest of their lives as some have suggested.

The unpardonable crime against these women, however, has been committed by the tabloid that exploited their police reports to attack the Duggars and sell a distorted and sensational version of reality. When a victim has the courage to tell their story, it is often a terribly frightening experience. The expectation is that the pain and shame attached to the information will be kept private and not paraded publicly by unsafe and vicious people who will mishandle it to inflict new injuries. What has happened here unfortunately will make it much more difficult for many to step forward and report because asking for help often pales in comparison to avoiding the immediate and cruel glare of public scrutiny of an intimate violation.

Relationships– A Collection of Quotes

A surprising departure from routine compositions! This collection of quotes gathered by Ken Hughes evolves into an essay on relationships. Each statement can stand on its own, but together they make for a compelling and fascinating read.

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.627950257305931.1073741831.224837530950541&type=3

After you Click on the  Link, click the first quote  to get a full sized image then IMG_0160press arrows to proceed through this work.

What Love Is and Is Not

What Love Is and Is Not

People often confuse love with no limits,
so let me clarify.

Being patient does not mean I am inviting continued attack.
It means I am creating opportunity for improvement.

Being kind does not mean I am a fool.
It means I am trying to motivate someone to do a little better.

Going the second mile does not mean I have nothing else to do.
It means I care enough to come alongside
a bit longer to create time for healing.

Biting my tongue does not mean I have no cause to speak.
It means I am waiting for someone to be able to hear.

Putting someone else’s interests before my own
does not mean I believe I don’t matter.
It means I have chosen to invest the margin in my life
with someone with little or none.

Any behavior, however, ceases to be loving,
when it ceases to move us toward being more like Christ.

When mercy feeds the monster in another’s soul,
justice must be allowed to do its work.004

Joe Axtell, an Example of a Life Well Spent With Ongoing Returns

A very good and decent man died recently. Just one look at the response to his unexpected death was a sermon in itself. A good friend had hit the floor running in the middle of the night to be at his side. The home was immediately overflowing with people who wanted to be there for the inconsolable wife and heartbroken sons and daughters. Calling hours saw long lines and broken schedules. There was no facility in the community large enough to hold all who wished to attend the funeral. Overflow rooms at the church had to be created because that was the best they could do. It was something to behold.

Even more interesting is that the man at the center of all this was not some powerful dignitary, influential business man, or famous entertainer as one might assume. The man at the center of all this was a small town pastor named Joe Axtell. Joe had been a farm boy who came to the Lord at 15, went to a Christian college, married, and supported his family as a stone cutter. Nothing terribly remarkable in all that. What was amazing was the consistency with which Joe invested his life and how God blessed it.

Joe was passionate about bringing his life changing faith in Jesus Christ together with the people in his world. It was obvious in how he chose to invest his life and the kind of return he pursued. Joe invested with his smile, his laughter, his work, his hunting and fishing, his preaching and teaching, his counseling, his sense of humor, and his friendship. Joe was not a perfect man, but one who estab11021412_10152329962322325_3930044982391770320_olished an enormous warehouse of good will with people. So much good will existed, in fact, that forgiveness was not so difficult when he did stumble.

Joe made a difference with the decisions he made and the way he chose to relate to people. There is now a congregation of men and women equipped to do God’s work where there had once been none. There is an intact family where each member knows what it is to be loved and valued. There is a wife who knows she is loved more now after 33 years than the day they met. These are precious and increasingly rare lifetime achievements. None of this happens by accident.

The kind of life Joe led was intentional, the result of choosing to put God and others first. In doing so, he cultivated a life time filled with a positive outlook and memorable encounters with others that reflected what truly mattered to him, being used by God to change lives and bring joy to others.

Joe’s example of a well spent life has stuck with me more than any sermon I heard from him. It has made me think long and hard about the return I may or may not be getting on how I am investing my life. Have I been a good steward of the opportunities God has put before me? Am I faithful, available, and teachable? What kind of choices am I making? These are sobering questions. A well spent life is no accident and Joe’s passing was no doubt part of a much bigger plan.

God is an agent of change. It is something Joe firmly believed. Furthermore, he sensed change was coming and regardless of what it was, he preached that he trusted the Lord was doing it for good.

God’s choice to take Joe home was a game changer. It will no doubt trigger a series of choices amidst everyone impacted by his death. Some will be called to step up to things they had hoped to avoid or never dreamed of doing. Others will have to do what they have long been called to do, but do it that much more diligently. For a few it will be about stepping aside to make room for other, possibly painful, changes God has in store. Pruning and refining is unavoidable. None of this is easy. None of it will go ignored by the enemy. All of this will be about more change and more choices as God finishes what he has started for the sake of accomplishing some well hidden good.

I have no doubt that recalling the image of Joe’s big smile and good natured ways will keep many motivated and encouraged during the hardest times. It is one way we know that God isn’t done using Joe even yet. Some might say Joe has residual returns coming on his life well spent.